King of Gods - God of Lightning and Thunder

This is Zeus' 'How's my driving post'. If you have questions, concerns, would like to offer criticism regarding his characterisation, or want to plot, feel free to contact me via IM/Email (info can be found on the profile page) or leave a comment here.

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The king is bored as are his guard dogs. What better remedy is there than to drink everything in the mansion? Well, there are about a hundred better remedies but the four Greeks have discarded them all because neither of them feels like moving around too much. It is fun until the guard dogs pass out on the living-room floor.

And the king is still bored.

He toys with the idea of calling his wife but who drunk-dials their own wife? That is not what drunk dialling is for. So the thought evaporates, vanishes into thin air, as he picks up the bottle and steps over the bodies on the floor, making his way outside to go for a stroll in the garden which is not so much a garden than it is a bloody park. With an unreasonably huge and empty pond in it. Well, not completely empty. There are fish in it - at least that's what the estate agent's told him.

Sitting down, the king tries to spot his fish but there are no fish.

[Voicemail left for Boreas]
Your phone's off. Why's your phone off? It's never... oh fuck it. You need to take Wednesday off.

[Phone call to Poseidon]
Say, how d'you make fishies come up to the servish... sirfesh... sur-face?

Laws, taxes and now 'tolls'. What do these kids need all that for? What a lot of them do need is to be put over one knee and getting their bottoms smacked. This is what he'd like to do - or pay someone to do it for him since he can't really be bothered.

Here's what he does: the driver that gets paid for sitting around all day leaves a young woman in a black dress and high heels at the side of the road near his estate. She's instructed to wait there until someone picks her up no matter how long it takes. So she stands there, overdressed, underfed, underwatered, and waits. Four hours later, she's crying. This is not in her job description. The sex she can handle. The abandonment, not so much.

[Voice message left for Highways five hours later]
Will you pick her up already? Poor girl's going to flood the area or dry up and die out there if she goes on like this. What kind of monster are you?

The last thing the groom remembers - actually remembers - about the ceremony is that there hasn't been one because the other groom bolted. Which makes Poseidon a genuine runaway bride, now, doesn't it? Everything after that is kind of blurry. He may or may not have bought a television network and a shipping company. Why? Who knows? He sure doesn't have any use for either and is contemplating selling them to the Chinese if they're interested.

The cheque is adding insult to the injury. So what if the injury is imaginary... Just between you and him, it doesn't make much sense. Like so many other things he's done in the past.

[Voice mail for Poseidon]
Missy, that barely covers the catering bill. If you wanted seven bridesmaids so badly, you could have said something. I'm not a soddin' mind reader.

The proposal was meant to be a joke, but then he thought 'why not'. It had been ages since they'd had a proper celebration and although the old grievances were still festering - well, it had never stopped anyone from attending a feast in the past, had it?

Wedding invitations are printed and delivered to all Greeks, and all the other gods, old and new. The date: Valentine's Day. The location: a mansion in Hawaii. Travel arrangements have been taken care of and all that's left to do for family/guests/free loaders is to get on that plane Sunday morning.

[Poseidon]
Marry me.

( [Delivered to Hestia around Christmas )

The pattern clicking into place right now is not new and not quite old. It's in the space between those two, a pathetic and moody little bitch that would deserve five across the mouth if it weren't still so small. In any case, it goes like this: Zeus forgets gladly and almost completely only to have the forgotten pounce him when he has his back turned.

It's a bloody card this time and it's probably not so bad, but his little boy is with him and his little boy almost opens that thing and there are things his little boy doesn't need to see or hear or know. The last thing he sees are wide blue eyes, and 'Daddy?' is the last thing he hears.

Stay warm. Don't catch colds. Enjoy the remains of the year, children.

[Iris]
I'm taking you shopping.

[Boreas]
Boy's night out. New Year's Eve.

He arranges for Hades - his big brother of doom and gloom - to receive a large bouquet of only the brightest, most fragrant and most colourful flowers every day until he's discharged from the hospital. A copy of the article is posted to Poseidon with a note that tells him to brush up his bedside manners, maybe offer to kiss it better for their brother.

The blood of all three former kings has been spilt, and in the old days this might have been taken as an omen. As it is, it's little more than a not very good joke.

She has sunlight in her hair, golden autumn sun. The kind that lingers warm and lazy on your skin and makes you drowsy. She skips in and out of his November days unbidden but not unwelcome. She speaks with her hands and her eyes, never with her mouth. When she is gone he will remember her as a series of gestures, fluttering hands, laughing eyes and sunlight hair.

November is almost over.

( So what if I took a crap on your heart, darling? You know you wanted it more than I did and I'd do anything to make you happy. )

Why have a cell phone and give out the number if you never answer it?

[Hermes]
If it's money you want, the answer is still no.

[Message to accountant]
Additional $125,000 required. Possibly more. Make it $150,000

[Voice mail for Poseidon]
Give me a ring when you get this.

( [Email to Iris; written by the PA] )

Three in one. How convenient.

( Caerus )

( Delivered to Apollo )

( Ares & Hephaestus )

He calls, they come. It is that simple.

But when they arrive at the king's new residence, the king is nowhere to be found...

Hmph.

[Excerpts from his PA's notebook; dating from Mother's Day until now]
- Cancel all appointments
- Have driver on stand-by
- Mr M unavailable from 10 May until ??? (due to meeting with Smokeless Fires - think he may have had one too many when he called)
- Close deal on house; renovate/refurbish
- Forward letter/contact details to Ms Iris Nephos; find out who that is; replacement? for me???
- Sit by phone and wait Take care of personal affairs (my affairs, not his)

The coffin intended for the father turns into a cage for the mother. Too keep you safe, he says calmly, coolly, and closes the lid. And if they find her, she'll have a nice story to tell about a copper-haired queen and a Gorgon's head. If they find her in time, that is. (The head, it goes tick-tock tick-tock.)

What is it with the Titan women, he wonders, and their switching sides faster than rats abandoning a sinking ship? He places a bouquet of flowers on top of the pile of loose soil before he walks away.

Well, it might turn out to be helpful after all. Loyalties once changed can change again and when they change again and again, nobody will be too surprised. Eventually, what little trust is left, will be lost as well.

Happy Mother's Day.

Don't forget to call your moms, children.

And the old grumpy couple just had to bring everyone back with them.

[Apollo]
Explain to me, Apollon Mousagetēs, why my daughters are shedding tears and feel abandoned and forgotten.

[Voice mail to Thor]
Jet's finally fixed. I'm leaving tomorrow morning.

[Khaos]
Days of judgement, days of wrath.